Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
    Caddie: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
    Caddie: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
    Caddie: "Eventually."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too
    much of a distraction."
    Caddie: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."

   Caddie: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

      Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
    Caddie: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
       Caddie: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Golfer: " Before I hire you, caddie, tell me, are you good at finding lost golf balls?

    Caddie: "Yes sir, I am the best.

Golfer: "Great! You're hired.  Now go out and find us some golf balls so we can get started."

Golfer: Caddie, how would you have played that last shot?

     Caddie:  " Under an assumed name."